With all the demands of day to day living it’s easy to find your relationship stuck in a sexual rut. What used to be a tumbling passionate mess of legs, hands and insatiable french kisses, has now turned into thoughts of ‘let’s get this over with’. This is particularly common in relationships with children. But a busy life doesn’t necessarily have to mean R.I.P sex life. I’ve looked into gathering some points for you on how to reinvigorate and recapture your inner deviant to go back to having mind blowingly great sex. No matter your sexual orientation, the rut is real, so get out before it begins to interfere in your or your partner’s emotional well being.

Let’s start with the number 1 basic rule of a healthy sex life. Frequency. If you are having the most amazing sex, but only on the last Saturday of every month, you could be a sexual godess for all her cares, he (or she) simply will not be satisfied sexually. Sexual needs will simply not have been fulfilled if frequency and consistency are lacking. Your vagina is not a farmers market, open up and let them come in. The quality of your sex is a non-factor when considering regularity. It wont matter how great the sex is, he won’t care if you skipped your waxing session and a flocking a full bush, e just wants to stick his throbbing member into your honey pot and blow; Every. Single. Day. There’s continual comedic reference in sitcoms and movies about how desperate the husband/partner is to throw one in. the reference derives from the reality that most couples simply do not prioritize their and their partner’s sexual compulsions. Further to, a lack of frequency to a more insecure person may result in them beginning to question their partner’s fidelity, attraction or simply just the quality of the relationship in general.

If frequency is not an issue, and you simply want to spice things up, start with some variety. The are an abundance of sexual aids available to you which will help finding different and exciting ways to kick start a new erotic chapter in your lives. Whether it be trying anal for the first time (not recommended without lube), BDSM, dogging (one of my favorites) or more humbly, a new position or two, something different and fresh could mean the start of something prodigious taking you to sexual heights never before imagined. Sex should be every other than boring, so ditch the missionary and try a backward cowgirl; give a blow job with an ice cube in your mouth- or maybe it’s time to let him explode his love juice on your pretty little face? Get dirty, be inventive and let go of your old habits- they aren’t doing you any favors. Infuse variety.

Every one of us has a fantasy, and they are so important in stimulating our sexual senses and helping us imagine erotic situations which we would most likely never find ourselves in (or are simply not game enough to try yet). Fantasy play is a great way to spice up your sessions and take your love life to a whole new level. Something as basic as a candid conversation about your or your partner’s deepest most burning desire can launch the imagination into overdrive. On many occasions my partner has come to find Delphine, my sexy alter-ego who is his french maid, cooking his steak in her barely there uniform. She is surely always punished with a spanking for overcooking it. The fantasy allows me to be rewarded with an exhilarating experience with a man who desperately needs to have me, and he is simply satisfied in every sense of the word. A little effort goes a long way. A quick tip, there isn’t much a man isn’t into; so if you aren’t yet sure what spicy fantasies are lingering in his mind, start off with one of yours- chances are he will love it.

I really was under the impression that using a good lubricant was a no-brainer. After discussing tip and sexual habits at a retreat with my friends last weekend, I discovered out of the 8 of us, I was the only one who had a collection of lubricants. Can we all just take this into account, any machine will not work very well, if not at all, without lubricating the parts. There are copious amounts of products on the market which all serve a separate purpose. Flavored lube, heated lube, cooling lube, oil based, water based, stimulating, vibrating, the list is endless- Don’t deprive yourself of extra sensation and basic comfort. If it doesn’t sound like running in flip-flops, you’re doing it wrong. Lube it up!

And finally, let’s talk about the relevance of the intensity in the sex you are having. If your leg’s aren’t shaking, if your arms are limp and your eyes are closed, if you are silent and still, he might as well be fucking you in your sleep. Your partner wants to feel he is the reason you’re biting the pillow and that he took you to that euphoric state of sexual pleasure which made you wet. Intensity is as important as the act itself. Maintain eye contact, release your mind and let yourself moan- relax your muscles and allow yourself to open up to his movements. All of these cues will heighten the entire experience for both of you which in turn will result in great sex. One way to turn up the heat is to squirt. Without going in to too much detail or deflecting from the purpose of this blog, squirting is a learned technique. Research it, and give it a go- there is nothing that will compare to how he will react when he makes you flood.